Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
