Betty ford says i'm here all night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
