i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I party with great urgency now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
