Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
