You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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