Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
