apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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