Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
