Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
