Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
