just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
