so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
