My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
