So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
