if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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