I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
