i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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