My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just had sex on a roof
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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