Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
