Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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