Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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