Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
