I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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