Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
