That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
