Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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