her vagine was all disorganized.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
