Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
