you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
