I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
