2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
