Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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