I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
