I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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