thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
