I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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