she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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