There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
