Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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