I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
