is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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