I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
