then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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