Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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