Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
