fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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