I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
