Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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