This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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