I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
