i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
