if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
