not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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